Those Phrases given by My Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You need support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger failure to open up between men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - taking a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."